It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way

That phrase has rattled through my head in so many ways in the last five years. Sydney should not have died at 13. Mom shouldn’t have gotten cancer so young. Sarabeth shouldn’t have to grow up without one of her grandmas.

Life’s Not Fair

I grew up hearing that phrase so often. Whenever things didn’t go MY way, I was quick to complain, “That’s not fair!”

When life didn’t revolve itself around me and the way I thought things were supposed to be, I immediately shut down. I would get angry and everyone around me would know it. 

But what if it’s not supposed to go MY way?

Grief has a way of highlighting the “unfairness” of life. It has a way of making us all evaluate what we hold dear. And it causes us to take stock of the things that we believe and why we believe them.

I know that I am not the same person I was when I began this grief journey 5 years ago. It’s not that I was immune to death before then. But it didn’t hit as close to home as the last two deaths I’ve lived through or the immense changes that have happened as a result. 

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Mark This Moment

I was recently reading Lysa TerKeurst’s newest book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way. One of the big phrases that stood out to me was “mark this moment.”

To mark the moment means declaring our trust in God. It’s a recognition that we don’t know all the answers. That we cannot have all the answers. No matter how much I long to know the reasons why God has acted in the way He has, I must trust that He knows more and better than me. 

Though we all go through different types of struggles and grief, we all share one thing in common. A need to invite God into the struggle. We must wrestle out our feelings WITH God. It’s the only way we’ll get through the struggle without completely falling apart ourselves. 

Never Alone

I don’t know where you are in your life struggles, but this is what I do know. We all need others to walk alongside us. We can’t do this journey alone. And we must hand the struggle over to God and let him handle things.

If you’re in the midst of a struggle, I highly recommend Lysa TerKeurst’s newest book to you. It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered was a beautiful memoir of going through struggles. While TerKeurst does share some of the struggles that have led her to walk the journey that were the catalyst for the writing of this book, it applies to anyone who has ever struggled (hint, that’s probably anyone reading these words!). I felt seen and known as I read the pages of this book.

It also helped me understand my grief in new ways. As I was reminded of the journey forward, in the light of my struggles, TerKeurst reminded me that these struggles will not leave me the same. They already have changed me, and as I heal, I will continue to change. I can’t ever be the same because of the journey I’m not. 

And neither can you.

So, even though it’s not supposed to be this way, see this journey through struggles as your chance to grow. To learn more about yourself. And about God. To go deeper. Understand scripture in new ways. And become a new version of yourself. 

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One Comment

  1. Shirl Stroeing

    Amy, I love your very insightful words. Very wise for a young woman. I knew your mom and am a friend of your dad’s through work. I physically lost my husband in 2009, and emotionally years before that to alcoholism. Grief strikes in many ways, for many reasons. I hurt most deeply in recognition of what our children lost. And you’re so right – it wasn’t the life “I” planned, but certainly a journey God put us on. Believing in Him and the way it IS supposed to be is the only way to move on. I am SO very sorry for your loss but also know that your faith will get you through. I know your mom watches over you and your lovely Sarabeth every single moment. Keep up the great work.

    God Bless,

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